I had nearly finalized my relocation plans.
Mentally, of course.
Palm trees. Sunshine. Golden hour grazing. A winter spent as a coastal icon.
I was prepared to become seasonal.
Then this afternoon… I received intel.
A visiting Highland arrived at the fence line. Taller than average. Sun-faded coat. Slightly smug posture.
He introduced himself casually.
“Just got back from Florida,” he said.
Florida.
My ears lifted.
“For a competition,” he added.
Competition?
Interesting.
He claimed it was a “Winter Highland Showcase.” Apparently there are judges. Categories. Applause.
I leaned in.
“Tell me about the sunshine,” I said.
He nodded slowly.
“It’s warm,” he admitted.
I knew it.
“But…”
But.
No one likes a “but.”
He continued.
“Have you heard of hurricane season?”
Silence.
The sheep stopped chewing.
The goat leaned closer.
I remained composed.
“Explain,” I said.
He described winds.
Not breezes.
Winds.
Sideways rain. Flying debris. Palm trees bending like overcooked asparagus.
He said the humidity makes your coat expand.
Expand.
I blinked.
“Define expand.”
He gestured toward his own fringe.
It was… large.
Not majestic-large.
Uncontrolled-large.
“Frizz?” I asked quietly.
He nodded.
“Full-volume chaos.”
The pasture gasped.
He spoke of storm shutters.
Of evacuation trailers.
Of once being compared to “a walking tumbleweed with horns.”
I felt something shift inside me.
Florida, the promised land.
Florida… with airborne patio furniture.
A Moment of Internal Reckoning
Have I romanticized relocation?
Possibly.
Did I consider atmospheric instability?
I did not.
The visiting cow concluded with this:
“Sun is nice. But wind is wind. Choose your battles.”
He walked off.
Confident. Slightly puffed.
I stood still for a long time.
The snow here is dramatic.
The mud is inconvenient.
The goat is irritating.
But hurricanes?
That feels… aggressive.
Official Statement:
“I do not flee winter only to be defeated by tropical chaos.”
Final Thoughts from a Cow Evaluating His Options
Perhaps every pasture has its storms.
Perhaps every climate carries its own betrayal.
For now… I will remain.
Strategic. Observant. Slightly cautious.
Florida is not cancelled.
But it is… under review.
Until tomorrow.
Respect. The. Hair.
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